Hello Pausers,

My therapy appointment went well. In the past, my experience was spent sitting in a chair and airing all my problems and angst. At first, I was great about keeping my appointments but as time passed I would cancel or reschedule until I eventually stopped going. This style just did not work for me. And to be honest until I explored ACT and CBT I had given up on the idea of therapy. But this time around it is more structured, with a clear and direct path. When we began our session, I was in a state of distress. I was feeling off toward the latter part of my day. Feeling off led to anxiety which always escalates to racing thoughts. And so the viscous cycle begins. When I explained this to her, she said, “Ok how about you just sit with it.” Don’t try to solve the feeling. It’s OKAY to feel to off. I have a tendency to have to understand why I am feeling the way I do. I’ll google, research, fixate and ruminate until I dig myself into a depression. She explained that sitting with uncertainty is part of the work we will be doing. It’s called cognitive defusion. Interestingly, I found this to be comforting in a weird way. Sitting with uncertainty, refraining from trying to understand, and just accepting the feeling of being off, I slowly began to feel my depression lift and my racing thoughts subside. So simple yet so powerful. I’m slowly feeling more inclined to continue my work her. Maybe, just maybe, I can retrain my brain. I will definitely keep you posted on my progress

Last night, I went to dinner with a close friend. We were opening up about our stories, reflecting and catching up The topic of perimenopause and menopause came up. She is a few years older and in menopause. I explained all the shit I’m going through and she said its hormones, Renee! And then she proceeded to say that perimenopause is worse than menopause. IS IT? You can bet your life that I will be researching and posting on this. But right now I’m committed to sitting with my discomfort and refraining from being a google doctor. So, with that being said, I will share my findings at later time when I am feeling myself again.