Hello Pausers and welcome to the beginning of fall. I never thought I would say this but I am happy summer is coming to an end. I’ve had a mentally turbulent few months and I am hopeful the new season will bring a wave of uplifting energy.

So I have a confession. I almost imbibed a glass of wine this weekend. I was having an extremely anxious Saturday. I’d say a 10 out of 10. I’m going to attribute it to hormones or my brain just being its brainy self. I had an open bottle of wine in the fridge (for my mom) and I poured a glass. I set it down in front of me and stared at it for a couple of minutes. Then I picked it up put it to my nose and took a deep breath. I set it down again and contemplated for another 5 minutes. I finally decided to pour it out. About an hour later I went through the exact ritual again. But this time I put my lips to the glass and in that instant I came to my senses. I poured the glass and bottle out and went for a walk. When my anxiety released its grip, later in the day, I was so happy I did not take that sip. I almost threw away two and half years of sobriety. A part of me feels shame for this possibility and another part is proud of myself for staying strong. I attended a sobriety meeting this morning and shared my truth. And I’m so glad I did. A weight was lifted and I feel lighter. I learned a powerful lesson from this experience. My sobriety is a gift and I must guard, honor and defend it with my whole being.

So for today let’s pause, breathe and embrace the journey.

Renee